The Art of Family Engagement

As an educator, what is our responsibility when navigating how and when to include parents in our curriculum?

It's easy to assume that since we are the authority figures, it is our role to impart knowledge and wisdom onto families. In our conversation with Ana De Hoyos O'Connor, we talk about how educators need to dance with parents so they can honor the lived experiences of the families who provide the context for the children we care for.

We also talk about how educators can incorporate fun questions into the curriculum to help center that lived experience.

This project is funded through a grant with the Tennessee Department of Human Services and Signal Centers, Inc.

Transcript

 The Art of Family Engagement

Fri, Nov 11, 2022 11:49AM • 36:39

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

parents, families, child, teachers, educators, curriculum, learned, center, mom, early childhood educator, recognizing, engage, conversation, eci, important, students, disability, podcast, engagement, home

SPEAKERS

Ana De Hoyos O'Connor, Alex Farrell, Wesley Mayes

Ana De Hoyos O'Connor  00:00

It was sitting at the floor at a hospital. And this physical therapist talking to this mother who had just had a child with a disability, and they're having this conversation. And so she's saying to them, okay, tell me how you feed her. Okay? And tell me how you do this. Show me how you're swaddling this baby. And this is a physical therapist, she knows these things, right? But she was taking the lead of the mob. And I said to her, wow, that was amazing. And she said, you're thinking, if you're fearful of going in, and you want to read all these books, you need to dance with the parents.

Alex Farrell  00:36

Hey, everyone, this is Alex and Wes from the Lean Into You podcast. And we are super excited today to talk to Ana De Hoyos O'Connor. She is an assistant professor at San Antonio College in San Antonio, Texas, and has several decades of experience working in early childhood. For today's conversation, we're going to talk about family engagement and kind of the artistry, because as we found out in this conversation, it is a bit of an art to really engage and activate your families of the kids that you care for.

Wesley Mayes  01:03

What I loved about this conversation was that she just brought in some fun and creative ways to incorporate engaging parents in the curriculum stuff that you're already doing. So you don't have to go overboard with adding things without adding more to your workload.

Alex Farrell  01:17

Absolutely. And I think one of the most important parts of this conversation is just shining light on the fact that as educators, it is easy to fall into the trap that your job first and foremost is to take care of the kids only. But we all know that kids come from a context. So part of offering quality care is figuring out creative ways to engage those families.

Wesley Mayes  01:38

Right. And another thing that she brought up, was just learning to meet the family where they're at, you know, just incorporating every lived experience of a family into the classroom.

Alex Farrell  01:48

So we hope you enjoy this conversation about the art of family engagement with Ana de oil's O'Connor. Hello, Anna, how are you?

Ana De Hoyos O'Connor  02:04

I'm doing great. How about yourself?

Alex Farrell  02:06

Doing well doing well. Good. Thanks for joining us on the podcast. Today, we're super excited to talk about family engagement, a little bit of advocacy, misconceptions around family engagement, potentially giving educators maybe some strategies of how they can engage their community, engage their families more in a way that helps the learning process for kids helps develop the culture around the center, that sort of thing. So before we get started, can you just introduce yourself and what your work looks like?

Ana De Hoyos O'Connor  02:37

All right, well, my name is Ana, there is O'Connor and I'm a professor at Santa Fe College is a community college here in San Antonio. And I have been there a little bit over 20 years love it. I have only been in early care and education from infants to school age. And now I teach teachers that want to work with the infants to school age, I also had the great opportunity of working with Headstart. And I worked with ECI ECI is early child care intervention, that's when teachers go into the homes or centers of and work with children with disabilities. So this is all I've ever done and truly enjoy it.

Wesley Mayes  03:16

Fantastic. So what feels like really urgent to you right now within your work.

Ana De Hoyos O'Connor  03:24

I think there's, there's many things that are, we're just going to hone in to the parent side of it. It's really continuing to build that parent relationship, and to and to learn to listen, and to learn to listen and really think about the last two years what's happened to our families. It's also happened to us as as teachers. But what else has happened to families? And I think that's been it's been I opened an eye opener for myself and many of the students that I work with and centers that are

Alex Farrell  03:56

Yeah, it's it's interesting, because I think, at least in Tennessee, we have the QRS system, and part of that quality rating scale. There's a piece about how educators or the center involve families, which I think is really is really great and really necessary. But that shines a light on the fact that if you're an early childhood educator, you can get lost in the misconception that your work is the kids in front of you full stop, that's it and get isolated into that without recognizing that the children that you're serving and that you're working with exist within a context, right? You're never just serving the children, you're serving the con, you're also addressing the context with which they come from as well, to provide this well rounded care. So can you talk a little bit about why family engagement to you is important?

Ana De Hoyos O'Connor  04:47

Yeah, I mean, I think I want to step back just a little bit because we're also in the state of Texas CQRS right. So all of us are doing Ours is called Texas rising star and it became a checklist for so many of us you A parent handbook check, does it have these things in it? Check, right? And we, we started, many of us started reflecting on what are we doing with our families and recognizing that our families are the first teachers, right. And I think also acknowledging that, that all families want to do what's best for children. Now in our, in our eyes, we might go, Well, but she doesn't do it this way, or he doesn't do it this way. And that could possibly be our own bias or our own training. But there's enough research that tells us that families want the best, you know, when, when a when a couple has a child, right? From single couples, right to foster, they don't pick up that baby and say, you're going to be this, they pick up that baby and say, you're gonna be amazing. I just know you are, you know, the hope so parents have those hopes. So I think understanding that they're the first first teacher, and that we then are the facilitators in that whole dynamic deaths, right. And I think when I, when I recognized as an early care teacher, as a toddler teacher, really, that this was the first parent conference you're having, I felt empowered, I remember and I was very young, then I was working as a lab instructor. But I remember sharing with my director, then this is the first parent meeting this this, these parents are going to have and she was Yeah. And I went, Wow, I gotta get it. Right. Yeah. You know. And I still feel that way. I mean, I still feel that way. And I and I, and I share that with my students. You know, you're the first it's amazing. You're the first right. And so how do we how do we? How do we, you know, how do we bring that together, and not be judgmental, on what families are doing?

Wesley Mayes  06:44

I like what you brought up about parents being the first teachers, right, because it's easy to get locked into as early childhood educators, as experts, knowing what we know, and like, wanting to, to speak that into existence at you know, the parents. But I think that there's a real learning opportunity as well, you know, to be able to sit down and hear what the parents have to say, hear the way that they interact with their child, just being able to sit down first and hear and listen and engage. I mean, I think that's one of the ways you can set that first tone. Right, right.

Alex Farrell  07:21

But then also, too, I mean, we talk we talk a lot about we had an episode in our first season, could have been second season, called reversing your limiting beliefs with Monica stone. And she talked a lot about our educators. Part of their work in advocacy, and advocating for themselves and instructing the general public on the value of early childhood starts with families, right. And so that interaction, the family engagement piece is so important, because those families are also in the sense that the families are the first teachers of the child. The family is also the first audience to the specialty of the early childhood educator.

Ana De Hoyos O'Connor  08:03

I think and what I should have said also when I was introducing myself as I was a teen mom, and so I was my first daughter, I was by myself on the bus going to a community college to become a teacher. What was interesting is that my mother and my my aunt's my theists, right, I'm a Latina. They honored me as a mother. Now, they weren't 100% supported that I was a young mom read a high school, right? But I was a mom to them. And I was able to sit at their table now as a mom, right? It isn't a mama, you're a mom now. And I felt very valued. That was a mom, I was making decisions for myself and my daughter, Crystal crystal, right? It was interesting that when I went to the community college, I was told, Oh, you're a single Teen Mom, well, this is what you need to learn. So here are these professors telling me what I need to learn. But yet at my house, I was being told you are the MA. No, you're not. You're making decisions now for yourself. And this child, and we're I was honored by that. Not honored that I was a single mom. So I want to set that straight, you know, and respect my family, and what they shared with me. But as we talk about families, reminding ourselves that parenting right is seen as is something really important. What you're saying, right? And then who are we to say, you're getting this wrong? You should you should do it this way. Right? And how do we say it because we do want to provide families with, you know, current, you know, current information. But how do we do that? 

Alex Farrell  09:34

I'm gonna put you on the spot a little bit. But is there a time that you can think back on in your career in this field, whether it's you yourself that you engaged with or someone that you observed, sitting with a parent, and really nailing it? You know, what I mean, really, like, what are the what were the questions that they asked what were the what how did they invite and draw people in the conversation?

Ana De Hoyos O'Connor  09:57

Yeah, absolutely. I really did pivot after During my BA, so I got my associates degree in early childhood, started teaching young children and then worked on my BA, it was after I left being a lab instructor to go work with ECI here in Texas is called ECI. And I was going to be home visitor, right? It was sitting at and sitting at the floor at a hospital. And this physical therapist talking to this mother, who had just had a child with a disability, and they're having this conversation. And so she's saying to them, okay, tell me how you feel. Okay? And tell me how you do this. And I'm looking at this physical therapist going like, you know, all of this, why are you asking this parent, right? very new to the field, very new to the field of early childhood. And then the the ECI, physical therapists looking at me, and I'm sitting by the mom holding the child, and say, remember, mom didn't have a book regarding having this child with a disability baby came out, this is what happened. And of course, this was in the 80s. So I want to share with all of you that now we've got a lot of tests that parents can take and No, but I'll never forget that physical therapists just going How do you do that? Okay, tell me show me how you're swallowing this baby. And this is the physical therapist, she knows these things, right? But she was taking the lead of the mob, and that got in the car. And I said to her, wow, that was amazing. And she said, You you're thinking, if you're fearful of going in, and you want to read all these books, you need to dance with the parents because that mom didn't know she was going to have a child with this disability, he or she is worried about the child. Sure. And that was it. That changed my whole mindset of, I need to really listen to parents, and really listen. And I know when I'm not listening, I really do, because I'll come out going, huh, that's not the way I wanted it to go. So this is just this, this past week, I went to a center. And the center had, you know, the the small tables that are in dramatic places, a small little table, that little chairs, they had it close to the director's office, and a little girl was sitting there eating a taco, and I'm looking at the little girl, it's like 945. So it's past breakfast Chow comes in. But the child was not being told, you know, you should have been here earlier for circle time, none of that negative stuff, the director goes will walk in with Mehsana. And so after they walked the child into the classroom, I went, so what's going on, and she said, Mom has two jobs. So on the days that she can go in late to Walmart, she can bring her in nine o'clock, 945 Let them sleep in, let them curl up, let them live on each other back and have her for breakfast here. You know, most programs will do that. And I just told the director, can I share that story? She was yes. And I would cuz that's amazing. She went all it took was for me to listen to this mom say I have two jobs now. Yeah. And if I can come in late one or two days, that means I could spend some time with my child.

Wesley Mayes  12:51

And I love the the two different parts of that response that you just had the first was coming in with an open mind. And and asking the parents, okay, how do you do this? What is so crucial to that approach is, you know, we have the information that you know, best practices and all of those things. And so you want to immediately share those but without, you know, opening up this dialogue and and seeing how the parents are interacting with the child you miss so much of the context from which that child is coming. Right. And then the second part of this, like, let's say, a teacher didn't engage in that way. And so they didn't find out about the two. They didn't find out about the two jobs, right. So they would never be able to honor that lived experience without that engagement without listening, like being an active listener and treating a parent like they are, you know, and with the respect--

Alex Farrell  13:45

An autonomous adult. 

Wesley Mayes  13:47

Right. You're gonna miss all of those things. And I think that brings us to another great point, which is this lived experience that that parents have, and being able to respect that. Do you have any other like, I don't know, tips or guidance on how educators can respect the lived experience of parents. 

Ana De Hoyos O'Connor  14:09

Yeah, I think one of the most difficult part for us in early care and education is, you know, we've got a roomful of children. And we're trying to keep our eyes on children, right for safety and everything else. And a parent wants to have a conversation. So we're Hurry up, come in, hurry up, get out. And I think that trying to pause and say to yourself, alright, this is how many parents have in my classroom have 12 I have not reached this parent. You know what Alex and I have not connected. I waved goodbye to him. He walks out. I'm not here when he picks his son up. Let's just pretend right? So I really constantly share with teachers and educators when I've been training, make a list and really highlight Who am I connecting with him and am I saying hey, how are things going? You know, we started this before we started taping, how was your weekend? How are things going? Right? Yeah, And so just making connections like that with our families, and it's a balancing act, because again, you think about ratios, you think about staffing, parents want to get out because they don't want to get on, you know, traffic, but just saying, I haven't connected. What has helped us right now, is that many programs, I'm so impressed, they use Zoom, they use texting, there's so many ways now that we can connect with family saying, Hey, I haven't seen you the last two weeks, just wanted to let you know, and then throwing something out there. I think the other tip, and I learned this as a teacher, and I wish I can tell you what session I went to, but I went to a conference. And one of the things is amazing speaker talk to us. And I was then working with I think kindergarten is for 30 days, tell the parents something about this child. And it might just be he had all his heels green beans today. So I could say, Okay, we just had a real struggle today. Yeah, but recognizing that no child has a bad day, because they haven't been with you. Right? And I wrote it down. And I have lived with me, I really even with my own students at the community college, I go, you know, she's not treating this and she keeps missing. And I'll say, can you say one positive thing for the next couple of weeks? Right? Because it changes your disposition towards is found. So cool, my connecting with? How can I connect with that family, I might need help with my director or other teachers, you know, and being positive. And sometimes, you know, I'm for all your early childhood teachers that are working in the classroom right now, you and I both know that sometimes you could just go, you know, he took a nap today. That means he's just his body was growing. That's all I could say I didn't tell her that he was running, I didn't tell her that he threw a book at a child i i Just focus on on positive for the next couple of weeks, that changes my attitude. And it changes the parents up to it. I'm not saying it's easy, but it does help. We had our teachers, students, teachers, students, right practice telling parents things like your child's pre reading, if you pick up Robert Brown, where he knows Brown, he knows better. He knows yellow duck, he knows that's amazing. That's how many words he knows. And many of the teachers came back, they were writing the journal, and most of them would say that they were hearing parents say, you know, he's going to be gifted, I have a brother who's gifted, I think he's going to be gifted, because as soon as they found out that their child was pre reading, right, where the wild things go, our teacher didn't say I read it every day, you know, five times is the favorite book, or chicka, chicka, boom, boom, whatever the teacher that focused on, these are the words he or she knows from the book, pick it up at the library, or if they have extra, take it home, don't forget to reach your mom or dad or delete that whoever. And you just saw that parents hold this position change, because then they would say, you know, my brother learned to read early, I think, you know, all the whole bit. Here's another challenge that I want to throw out. You know, when you go to conferences, teachers, I want you to look at how many sessions we have regarding discipline, or curriculum or science and math, and how many we have for parenting. And I really started focusing on that we don't, we're not I mean, I'm going to be going to PLI in a couple of weeks, I'll find out how many sessions that they're going to have for us to communicate with, with families right there. And maybe PLI is another great one, because that's about policy, but I'm really looking at and I share with my students, how many how much training are you getting, so that you could understand how to listen, communication, all of that. But when I go to these parent trainings from these experts, right, that are talking about families, then I remind myself, the type of parent I am, right, and how I learned. And I think that's key, I don't think we focus on that, I think as a topic that we must go to, you know, and if we change that, then we can start recognize me, you know, what we need to do and do better? Yeah. The other thing is, I always tell students, or people that I know that what, you know, suggestions, I'll say, write down everything that you do as a parent. Where did you get that from? I mean, is that something you're bringing back from your family? And then what have you learned and changed? And then what are some hiccups you've had, so my two girls are grown up, they're out of college. And even though I went to college, and I got my master's degree, I was the first so I'm first generation go to college. So I didn't make boxes for my girls, you know, these boxes, parents send their kids, you know, for survival boxes. We didn't enter. We didn't go out and look at various colleges. We looked at a couple and that was it. We didn't do these big, you know, visits. And I learned and now with my grandkids we will do different. So again, understanding why I didn't do that when I was a first in college, right? So my mom didn't do that with me. All of that is learned. So I think even going back to your to your programs and having conversations, positive conversations about, here's what we do, here's why we change and what we've learned. And then here's what we can do better. And all of that, you know, is a system, right? We don't have those systems filled up in programs.

Alex Farrell  20:17

Yeah, there was. There was one other thing too, that that you you mentioned in our prep call that I think was really important in that we know that educators are burnt out and stressed and doing a little bit of everything all the time. So the last thing we want to do is to give them something that they feel like, oh, that's just one extra thing that I have to do. And so one of the things that you said to kind of help with that was, there's such an opportunity to embed fun questions within the curriculum throughout the day that you're already implementing, to help get to that, to the core of that lived experience with the families. Can you talk a little bit more about that?

Ana De Hoyos O'Connor  20:55

And teachers, teachers do this often. So you know, teachers will have a theme, so they're gonna have a theme summer play, right? You know, that we're getting to just summer. And if you start embedding questions to the children, sometimes in circle time, sometimes when you're having lunch, sometimes they're outside and you have Zhaohua, close to you, what do you do? What do you do at home in the summer, and really learning and listening to them, and then doing a web so that parents can see that you're asking these questions? You know, Raymond said, You're gonna go fishing. You know, Jeremiah said that you're going, he's spending a night every Friday at his grandma's house, whatever, so that parents can start recognizing, oh, they're connecting what we do to their programs. And I, you know, we want to focus a whole theme on the beach, but you found out that no one's been to the beach, right? So then you start saying, how do we modify this, you know, they're not going to the beach, they're going to Canyon Lake, they see a lake near a beach, right? The beach is three hours away versus this lake that's close by. So that's one thing. Another thing is recognizing what parents do. And so, you know, being a teacher that sits down and says, I went to my mom's house or my aunt's house, and she was sewing some curtains. And then you'll have a toggle, my mom says, or my dad. So there's someone SOS. And so you start really seeing how can I bring in some of the some of the needs I have as a teacher to my program, right? I found out that a parent of a father or mother's a welder, and I wanted this weld in my center, or I found out that they're plumbers and I need some PVC pipe. So it's not being nosy. It's really not being about nosy I had someone tell me about I don't want to be nosy. You know what? I'm trying to engage families in my curriculum. So I look at what I'm going to be teaching. How can ask those open ended questions so that children and families will say, Oh, I do this, I have this, you know. And that's how we bring together. And that's just conversation, you're having lunch, and you go, guys, next week, we're gonna be talking about community helpers, and add other community helpers, we're gonna be talking about foods, you know, and, and I'm my ask him to bring in this whatever, so that the children then are engaged with that also, it's just, it's just asking those open ended questions. While you're, again, while you are going throughout your day. It's been practical with how we include families, and recognizing that all the families that I work with can bring something in. Were part of of the system. You know, what, because we have a lab school. So we have a child development center that's embedded in our community college. And because of that, we're in a listserv, what are the things that I learned? And I went, Wow, I would have, I would have seen that as a bias. I'm gonna throw it out to my group here. One of the centers had a little area in the four year room, and it was called a study area. And I went, study, our children should be playing, right. So I picked up the phone and I call this director and I said, you have posted this, can you walk me through what, why are you doing this? And she said, their parents are studying. And they're there, because their parents are studying, we're trying to also replicate what they see at home. And it's a kitchen table for so. And so when their parents are at the kitchen table, there's, you know, let the parent do their homework. So when a child wants to do their homework, she does and I know you're gonna say that's not developmentally appropriate, but it's culturally family appropriate. And you're right. She goes through not to any kids get on the table, but when they're on the table, you hear things that are not now I can talk to you now, let me finish this, you know, and she goes, we get to see that she was but the parents loved it. The parents are going, Oh, yes. And we learned that you can study at your table on the living room, couch on the floor. Some parents did have an office, but most didn't. So we wanted to be very careful with when we talk about an office where people study and they put it in there so that there's that leak. And I was like, thank you so much. So again, asking questions, and not quickly saying, well, that's not appropriate, as we know we're changing even that language within our field, what we say now is in contrast, right? So when we want to think about parent engagement, I think keeping it practical, real, and authentic, you know, I don't want to fill out a huge form on what I like how I eat, and I'll do it for you. But where does that go? And if it's just gonna go put somewhere, so there's a checklist, then you're not using it. If you take all those forms, and you find out that everyone likes to go here, then I can focus on that, as a teacher, I can ask parents to bring something back from that place. Right. And that's when parents know, that you are truly taking from that, you know, questionnaire and embedding, you know,

Alex Farrell  25:42

yeah, it sounds like what you're talking about is there truly is like family engagement is an art form, that you have to be almost led with. I mean, we talked about on this podcast all the time, this podcast is about mindfulness, largely to, like we talked about this all the time, it seems very, like you have to be really in touch with yourself, you have to be willing to listen, you have to be a curious person to develop and condition your mind, such that you know how to balance Best Practices versus honoring the lived experience. And those don't necessarily have to be a dichotomy, right? I mean, but finding that middle ground of like, When am I being too harsh and not honoring the lived experiences of my families? And when am I being too, like only honoring the lived experiences? Well, I mean, they also send their kids to me for a reason. And that's because there is a curriculum and a trajectory. So how do you find that navigate that balance? I think you do have to I mean, we talked about knowing yourself, we talked about being curious, we talked about asking good questions all the time. And if you're the kind of person that is doing that, then I think you're probably a bit more in tune with that kind of balance.

Wesley Mayes  26:49

For sure. And I think it also just hop in here, I think it provides you an opportunity to really practice your creative, you know, thinking around curriculum, right? Because there are those best practices, right. So how can I bring in these things that I wouldn't immediately think to add to my curriculum, as it relates to best practice? Yeah, right. So so it's just, you know, thinking outside the box and pulling in these outside things, and finding creative solutions that's going to work for kids, because it's what they know.

Alex Farrell  27:22

And this also reminds me to like, we've done some work on diversity, equity inclusion on this podcast of how do we center certain lived experiences that often get neglected, too, as part of the curriculum. And this is such an important part of that of if you're using the lived experiences of all of your families, within your curriculum, you are centering those voices, right, which I think is super, super important.

Ana De Hoyos O'Connor  27:46

And I'm glad you brought up just that diversity, because here's where I always encourage all of us as teachers, and as advocates of children, families to be reflective. And so we stress so much reading to children. And I do too, I think it's important, let's do that. But then we have forgotten the diversity of families that seeing and share stories with children. And so we my mom only spoke Spanish, right? So she didn't help us read in English rights she tried, understands English, but it was difficult for her in a lot of music in our house, lots of music. And I became more of a, you know, I was more drawn to the reading part, that some siblings, their genre of music is so impressive, and they know, you know that not only the words, but you know, I will say who's, who's that, who's that artists. And you know, my brother and my sisters are just amazing. And I always give that credit to my mom. So shout her out the value of the school was not that she was sharing with a story. So I got my mom stories, right. But that newzik. So looking at what do we want our children to be one of the be happy. And so I asked my teachers, do you see that mother or that father, whoever foster parent, whoever that family member is? Who brings a child to the center? Does it look connected and happy? Yeah. All right, well, then let's learn from it. Because that's what's key. If if if a child is happy and secure, their brain is developing, while but I really wanted them to go to the library and get a library card. Well, how far is the library? Does the library close early? Is you know, all of that are factors. And I think the biggest factor that we've got to remember is that what was what have parents been told, and the sad part is parents are often told what they need to do better. There's like a checklist, right? Instead of telling parents, wow, you know, you're handling this with three children, all different age groups, right? And that's difficult, right? So again, it's acknowledging what our families have to deal with, and then respecting them right respecting how they do it, and how they're teaching their child. I think the other thing is, is if we as teachers, if this is this is what I want to do, this is what I love to do, sit back and remind ourselves, when did someone not engage Have me, and in many ways disrespect me. How did I feel? What was the situation, and I don't want to put a family to that situation. I also tell teachers, you make it look so easy. So when they come into your room, and you've got, you know, 14 children sitting down, and you're reading a book, they're like, I can't even do that with two. So, again, we do make it look easy for parents. And so that's already that can be a little bit of a, I don't know, if I want to ask you a question, you make it look so easy. And, and I always tell students, and I, you know, we may remind myself that this, we're fortunate because my center is set up to be played with and some homes are not I don't there's not too many homes, in this, that people have blocks manipulates, you know, learning centers set up, there's some I know that, but most don't. So we have it, we have an advantage over what parents have to deal with. Right? We have an advantage over that. And most of us have another teacher there. And we know that many families only have one person. It's neat when you have someone you can say on passing. Okay, it's your turn. Let's, let's let's let's move on out into different spaces. And so reminding ourselves of families or having to deal with this important.

Alex Farrell  31:13

Yeah, and how and how do we engage those families without shame being part of that equation? Yeah. Yeah, super important. So so on, as we kind of start to close this conversation. What do you think are some things that we can kind of all be mindful of around this conversation that we're having for parents, for directors, for frontline educators? All of us? What are some things we can be mindful of?

Ana De Hoyos O'Connor  31:36

Yeah. So I think one of something that I continue to remind myself is my situation versus some family situation. So right now, I am at the empty nesters what we label ourselves, right? It is to adult people living in a home with a dog. So that means that I can go out and take a walk or I can go out I don't have to worry about putting two children in the car or one child in the car, or middle school and have to worry about any of that right now in my life. Life is good. And so I want to be mindful that I tell families to take a walk at night or to do yoga, or to reflect or put up some music when they're struggling to take two or three children in a bath. Are there all those things that Parenthood's, I guess the things my daughter is going to do? So my, my daughter has three children, right? Middle School, and elementary two now Elementary, and I sometimes just send her a text and say, if you got out the door today, and all three girls are at school, you did great. Something as simple as that. Yeah. And because she did, she did great. You know, she's also married to a first responder, right? And so how do they balance that and we've been we've been mindful of that my husband and I during the during the lockdown. We're in a safe home. And we have an amazing relationship. But some of our families did not. Well, we mindful of that, right. But again, I want to remind everyone that's that's, that's listening to this, just think about yourself, and maybe you're that person I'm talking about, you know, you want to get to the gym, but I can't afford a gym membership, or I want to dance to let stress out. But my kids are sleeping, I don't want to wake them up, you know, all of those things, play factors. And so learning about my family's learning about their situations is important, so that I don't give them unrealistic, unrealistic ideas

Wesley Mayes  33:19

for them. What are some of the things that you do for self care when you're looking to do this? Just to sort of wrap up? What what are the things that you go to? And also, do you have a word of encouragement for educators?

Ana De Hoyos O'Connor  33:34

Well, I want to start with a word of encouragement. If this is what you want to do like me, consider yourself because I do fortunate that parents trust us to have their children in our programs. For me, it's students wanting to come to college. And I don't see it as a burden. I fell in excitement that we are brain developers, we're developing brains, we're brain architects. I believe in that so much that we have our students wear shirts, say I'm a Brain architect. So remind yourself of that. Remind yourself that you were not the person that they're going to remember. And you know this because what they remember their high school person or middle school, or college, but you set you set that stage, there's enough research that tells us you set that safety stage for that brain, and good for you your brain architecture. And then so how do I find balance? It's taken a while as for many of us, right, but no is a sentence. And it's okay to tell someone right now my plates full I can't do that. Also, make a list of things you like to do. Regardless if it's not on what someone else thinks is the way to disengage and relax. If that's if it's healthy, and you'd like to relax in this certain way. Do it, do it. And I think that's important, not looking up, how to relax and have When someone tell you to take a trip and you're like, I can't do that, but recognizing what relaxes you, for me is walking. And I'm fortunate that I can open my door and walk and I walk in the morning I work at night. That might not be for everyone. So find something you enjoy. And and then just do it.

Alex Farrell  35:18

Yeah. So on. I really appreciate you coming to chat with us on our podcast about this. It's a really important subject and one that takes an understanding of nuance and one that takes some work and some a little bit of experience. But is such a valuable thing that our educators can kind of embark on. So we really enjoy you chatting with us and we hope you have a fantastic week.

Ana De Hoyos O'Connor  35:43

You as well. Thank you so much.

Wesley Mayes  35:45

Thank you. Take care. Thank you for tuning into the podcast today. This podcast is funded through a grant with the Tennessee Department of Human Services and signal centers. Signal centers is a nonprofit in Chattanooga, Tennessee, whose mission is to strengthen children, adults and families through services focusing on disabilities early childhood education and self sufficiency. If you'd like to leave a review a comment or have a suggestion for a future episode. Please do so on our Instagram account at lean into you pod. That's one word at lean into you pod. Follow us on Instagram for weekly self care tips clips from our episodes and graphic takeaways from many of the talking points from our conversations. Thanks again for listening to the lean into podcast and we hope you have a fantastic week.